The Power of Reflection and Writing: why you should reflect on life and how writing your personal history can change your attitude and your actions

I took my own advice. When I teach classes and meet with clients to write their personal history, I encourage them to use times of change in their lives as a catalyst to reflect and write.

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), one of those times of change is a transition in our roles and responsibilities for church service. We each have a “calling,” a voluntary job or role to fill to serve and teach others and help our congregation run smoothly. Those callings change after a time, based on revelation to church leadership. Because of the opportunities and responsibilities involved in callings, we have experiences through them that help us learn and grow.

So… when we are asked to fill a different calling, and a new person takes on our previous one, this time of change is ideal for reflection and writing as part of your personal history. I found that to be true as I took my own advice and thought about my most recent calling change.

Until November, I had served as the music director for all the children. Every Sunday, I taught them sweet songs about the Savior and other eternal principles while trying to keep them engaged and actively learning. When I received this calling three years ago, I was quite apprehensive, both about my level of musical ability and my aptitude for teaching young children. Yet as I fulfilled that calling every Sunday for three years, I learned a lot… about music leading and conducting, classroom management, teaching and engaging children ages 3-12. I grew to love the children, the music and my calling.

Can you name songs that have the word Ice Cream in it? We tried ...

Then in November I was really dismayed to be asked to serve as director of the congregational choir. Teaching music to children was one thing- but conducting a choir with four (or sometimes six!) different singing parts, choosing, teaching and directing difficult pieces of music– yikes!!

Way outside of my abilities and comfort zone.

It still is definitely beyond my abilities, and a continual struggle. I had been working at it while also chafing against it… until I remembered I should reflect on this calling change, as I counsel others to do.

And guess what? That reflection process really made a difference in my attitude.. and will affect my actions going forward.

I recognized that- for some reason- the Lord must want me to expand my musical knowledge and capacity. He started my journey with the children, where I could learn the basics and love the music. But apparently that did not take my learning far enough. I need to learn more- much more- and He’s given me the opportunity to do that by asking me to direct the choir.

It is definitely hard, and there are many people much-better-qualified to take this role. So, it’s very humbling for me. But for a reason I don’t yet understand, I need to grow in this area.

Recognizing that makes a difference. It’s still hard, but now I see it as an opportunity to learn and practice something that the Lord sees as important for my growth and progression. He wants me to develop a musical talent and has given me challenges to facilitate that learning. So I will go forward with a better attitude and try to embrace this chance to learn.

This is why I love personal history work. As we reflect and write, we learn about ourselves. It can change our actions and attitudes here and now, helping us chart a better course for the future and take advantage of opportunities that otherwise would go unrecognized.

Make the time to reflect, and write, and grow. Don’t leave your tale untold…

 

What do you think about this? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please comment below. Was it helpful? If so, I’d really appreciate you sharing on Facebook.

Have you grabbed a copy of my free ebook of writing prompts? If not, you can get it by clicking here.

 

No regrets… create the intentional and fulfilling family life you want!

It’s graduation season. Kindergarten graduation. High school graduation. College graduation.

Over and over, I hear my friends- parents like me- echo the same refrain:

Where did the time go?

It went by too fast!

I wish we would have done… [fill in the blank]

Some time ago, I determined not to have those regrets. I’m far enough along in the motherhood journey to know I will mess up (again and again!) and I won’t ever be able to accomplish all that I would like. But I CAN make sure I don’t stand idly by and let the years slip away. I can and will be

intentional

and deliberate

and conscious

and strategic

about parenting and family life.

I can plan with my family to prioritize those experiences, activities, and relationships that are most important. And I can take action on those priorities. I won’t wait for more time or money or whatever seems to stand in my way. I’m determined.

I’m determined that I won’t have those regrets of letting time slip by without making strategic use of every year.

That’s why we recently held a family planning retreat.

And why I’m so excited to offer tools and resources for Intentional Family Life here at House upon a Rock with my sister, Holly.

We have so much we’re working on and will be sharing in the coming weeks.

Look around the site for tools to begin your intentional family life today, and stay tuned for more!

How we are being intentional in building the family life and lifestyle we want OR Why you should have a family planning retreat OR How to use stickers and flip charts to plan your next family travel destination!

The last couple of years, as we have embarked on our entrepreneurial journey, we have become more intentional in all aspects of our lives, including parenting and family relationships. Quality family time has always been a priority for us, and frankly is one of the reasons we left the “9-5 gainfully employed” life! As we have continually defined and refined what “success” looks like for us, we have desired to not only spend quality time, but plan together as a family for what we want to do and become together. That led us to planning and holding a family planning retreat recently.

While it would have been fun to get away for a weekend and make our planning retreat a mini vacation, that didn’t work for us at this time and we didn’t want to delay our planning session. So we held it at home, in our dining room, on a Saturday. But we made arrangements to clear our calendars, scheduled and set up in advance, prepped the kids with teasers about how great it would be, and even splurged on store-bought sugar treats, which really shocked and pleased my kids.

Family planning retreat setup

With inspiration from several entrepreneurial families (thank you to Family Without Limits, EntreFamily, and Flipped Lifestyle) we decided as a couple what we wanted to accomplish in our planning session, including the key questions to discuss at this time. I drafted an agenda and we counseled about the roles we would play in the planning retreat. Because of my background in facilitation and strategic planning, this was really more my thing than Ben’s but he was very supportive.

Because our children are old enough (11 and almost 8) to be active participants and we are quite transparent with them about our work and plans, this was designed to truly be a group effort. We absolutely want our children to be involved in designing what we do and are as a family, but as parents we also always reserve the right to make final decisions. Part of our family culture (we hope at least!) is that our children are top priority and what they think and how they feel matters. And frankly, part of the context for our family planning retreat centered around the idea that our time with our children living at home is limited. With the years remaining before they leave the nest, we want to make sure we focus on what matters now. On what matters most.

Our goal is to be deliberate and intentional in building the family life we choose. We don’t want to look back in 7 years as our oldest leaves home and wish we had thought about what we wanted to do and be together.  So that was the intent of our family planning retreat.

We started with a prayer and ended with specific next steps and assignments. In between, we worked on developing our family vision, and beginning to outline a plan for how to achieve it. Separately, we as Dad and Mom have the responsibility for the companion piece of financing and supporting the family lifestyle we desire, and we’re working on that. But that’s a separate process. J In our family planning session, we discussed questions like:

  • What do we need or want to know and believe?
  • What do we need or want to do?
  • What do we need or want to become?

And I used a technique I’d learned years ago in my former life that worked well with the kids too: everyone puts their ideas on individual sticky notes, up where they fit on large flip chart papers.

Brainstorming family vision and plan

Because the store-bought animal cookies ran out and energy waned after a couple of hours, we had to take a break. While it did end up being a little difficult to corral everyone back together, the break ended up being necessary as well as helpful, because it allowed me time to process what we had already discussed and use that to tweak the final part of our planning session.

As we had talked about learning and doing and becoming (before the break), there was definitely a recurring theme of wanting to travel more together as a family. This surfaced not just as an end in itself, but over and over as a means to accomplish other desired outcomes, such as gratitude and humility through service and diverse experiences, and gaining rich educational experiences onsite in places that strengthen faith and teach timeless truths. (The kids were amazed when I told them that history repeats itself!)

I had anticipated there would be some interest around travel, so before the planning retreat I had even made a rough calendar outline of the next ten years with known milestones marked, and space to sketch in travel opportunities and priorities. During the break, I was able to do an impromptu preparation for a prioritization exercise (how’s that for alliteration… and can you tell I’ve facilitated meetings and planning sessions a few times?)

prioritizing family travel destinations

Everyone brainstormed places they want to visit, and in most cases shared why (though we were sold already, having spent time studying history together and dreaming of being there in person). Then I gave each of us six color-coded dots (Ryan had 6 blue ones, Dad had 6 brown ones, etc.) that we could place on the destinations to show our personal priorities. The dots could be distributed however each person wished- one on each of six destinations, all six on one destination, or any combination in between.  It was fun… and revealed an amazing unanimity. Five destinations received 21 of the 24 possible dots. So we know how to prioritize for major travel in the next few years- hooray! And we’re all super excited and united in those priorities.

Of course, travel is just one piece of the family plan we are developing, and I may share more as it progresses. As we used to say in the corporate world, I’m sure it will be a “living document” that evolves as we do. But for now, this session helped us identify some priorities for our family, and was a uniting and validating experience in and of itself. Frankly, some concerns our children had prior to the planning session were dispelled by the things we discussed and decided together that day. Win!

Intentional time together as a family is never wasted. And that was certainly evidenced for us in our family planning retreat. We have a lot t work on to execute the plan, and we may repeat this process every 6-12 months. It was a great kickoff to being really deliberate about what we want to accomplish and become as a family, driven by our values and priorities. We recommend it!

How do you plan together as a family? I’d love to hear your processes and ideas, so please comment below. Was this useful? If so, I’d really appreciate you sharing on Facebook.

Why I’m living deliberately by spending money and making memories now, not waiting for tomorrow

Are you ever surprised when you look back and realize how you’ve completely shifted your mindset on something? Did you used to have a stronghold on one position and somehow, remarkably, over time did an “about-face?”

That has happened with me, and, interestingly, it’s because of my work with Legacy Tale.

Now I spend money. Shocker, huh?!?

I used to be a saver. Don’t get me wrong. I still believe in saving money for a variety of reasons. However, I’ve decided it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. And when it means delaying making memories with loved ones, I’ve changed my tune.

My severe attitude to frugality and saving money meant that I was always waiting for a future day to do the things I want to with my family… to go on vacations, to make memories, to do the activities we’ve dreamed together. I thought we had to wait until we had “enough” money or had reached a certain milestone, or met some other defined or undefined arbitrary rule.

But my work with Legacy Tale- helping good people recall the past and reflect on the present- has taught me many things, not the least of which is that NOW is the time to make memories. And if that means spending money, I’m all for it. To be clear, I’m NOT talking about going into debt. But, for my family at least, I am talking about significantly re- prioritizing and rethinking what’s important.

Fun at the beach... argh! Make memories now. You make memories. We make them last.

Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.

~Chinese Proverb

We never know when the time will be past. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We do know that the people we love are here with us now. So now is the time to make time for them. I’ve battled with enough regrets in my life to know I don’t want to lose opportunities with my loved ones that will have lasting value… even eternal impact.

I realize, of course, that grand memories can be and are made without spending a dime, and I’m absolutely in favor of that, too. But sometimes we have to travel to be with loved ones that live far away. Or choosing to experience a new place together opens our eyes to experience each other in new and better ways. And getting away from routine on a vacation large or small can be the recipe for truly quality time without everyday demands and distractions. So go. Do. Enjoy. Live!

That’s how I’ve been changed by Legacy Tale.

My family will only be at this stage and these ages for a short time. I want to drink in every experience and every moment of this while I can. Maybe in the future I won’t have to pinch pennies when I grocery shop and it will be more comfortable to spend money. And I’ll be able to reach some of the “bigger” dreams that practicality still puts out of reach even with my shifted mindset.

But regardless, I am confident I will never regret a penny- or a moment- I spend making memories with those I love more than life itself.

I may always wish I had more money in my bank account. But I’m determined I won’t wish away this precious time with my family. I will seize every opportunity to spend time with them in ways that strengthen our relationships, that build our faith and love, and help us craft our family legacy. And if that means spending money even when finances are tight, then so be it.

Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t put off experiences and opportunities for another day when some arbitrary goal or milestone of income or savings has been reached.

Live deliberately. Live now.

Minutes are worth more than money. Spend them wisely.

~Thomas P. Murphy